Effective Discipline

My mother used to say when my children were little that "there's no school for parents" and boy, was she right! There's no direction when it comes to what to do specifically for your family, specially if your child spends a lot of time away from you, because of work or commitments. However, there are some key points that I've found effective in directing children to be who they were meant to be. As we talk about discipline, we need to understand what the Bible says about discipline: Proverbs 29:17 says: "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." This Scripture has been misused by many parents, specially talking about spanking. This is not the main topic of this blog post. I quoted this verse for the overall idea: "If you love your children, you will discipline them, there's no other way." So, how should discipline be:

CONSISTENT

Discipline should be consistent. You need to place thought in it, be intentional. Create a plan of levels of discipline per infraction, determine what are privileges that can be lost that would encourage your child to make good choices (tv time, tablet time, time outside). Also, create small rewards that would be a prize for good behavior, and follow through (movie night, maybe sharing popcorn, or a special time in the park)

REASONABLE

We need to choose only one of the privileges to be lost, and you need to keep in mind what you have taken away as a consequence previously. For example, if when getting low grades at school, you decide there is no video games until they go up, then, do the same the next time. So the child knows specifically what would be lost if not following through with what we expect. It's imperative for us to communicate our expectation clearly before the consequence is set.

ATTAINABLE

This has to do with time frames. It is different to make a consequence happen for one or two days, or even a week, compared to "the rest of the month" or the "whole month". Remember that you will need to keep your child accountable in what you are enforcing at home. As the child is being disciplined, you also need to keep them accountable.

A WORD ON SPANKING

This is a touchy subject, and while I can't tell you not to do it (many studies have found it being detrimental for children) I do think people can go overboard with it. We are here to protect our children and love them. I did spank my children when they were younger, and I do think it was effective... they only remember one time I did it. It was done sparingly, and only if they lied to my face. I will give them opportunities to tell me the truth. If that failed, then I would spank them with certain rules for myself:

1. Never in anger - I always waited for my own emotions to go down, and to not let my emotions out in the spanking.

2. Do it promptly after the infraction - I never waited more that the time I needed to calm my emotions, if I was clear in my head, I would do it on the moment.

3. Never in public - I would go on the side, to keep their dignity.

4. Explain why you are spanking - It didn't matter how young they were, I made it clear why I was doing it.

5. Only one spanking - I only spanked them once for whenever I did it.

6. Always with my own hand - If it stung me, it stung them. This would also help me, so they would understand that it hurt me as well.

7. I always held them afterwards, and console them.

8. If they told me they would never do it again, I would stop them, and explain that that phrase was not realistic. I would tell them to try their best, but not make promises they can't keep.

I do hope these points help you. I have learned a lot by being a childcare director, and while being at the Promise Land Learning Center, I have understood many more things that I wish I could have done better while raising my own children, who are teenagers and one young adult.

Juli.